Think Before You Do
by BabyJane14
Summary: She's never been very good at admiting when she hurts, and, she's not about to admit that he'd broken her.


**Manda's Note**: So I'm pretty sure i've been working on this all summer. Since the day that the Marshmellow and I decided that Love the Way you Lie fit the two of them and that moment perfectly. As for everything else... i'm working on it! Yup... Sure Did is coming up next! read and review this! Enjoy!

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She runs her hand over his Mohawk and she lets a slow sigh pass through her lips feeling the groves that make his hair so different than the rest of the clean cut bastards that make up the majority of Mckinly high's student body. It makes him different and unique and it has since he first cut it when he was thirteen. Something he'd done the day that his mother had told him that he looked like a spitting image of his father. Something that was far less than excusable when it came to the things his father had done to the family. Leaving Puck to be the 'man in charge' when he was just ten years of age. Her fingers traced the indention of hair from his forehead to the nape of his neck as his breathing warmed her chest. She couldn't remember when they'd started or even how they'd started to be completely honest with herself. All she could really remember was that he'd always been there. Him, his mother, Li… The solid objects in her life that seemed to be never fading, at least she'd thought they were never fading awhile ago. They'd been the only ones there the day her mother and little brother were laid to rest under the cherry tree. Jane Puckerman had been the one to put her hair in the French braid and hand her the pink carnation to place atop of the casket, images that stood out so clear in her mind. Puck had been the one to drag her to his mother the first time her father had struck her across the face and all the times following. It was where they were now and how they'd gotten to the point that they were in that changed everything. Her damn heart not being able to open its self up, not even to the one person who'd protected it the most.

It'd all started eighth grade year when he'd demanded a relationship and she'd kissed that high school sophomore instead. That night he'd been the one to find her bruised and bleeding, her innocence forever just a thing of the past. From that moment they'd both changed into the people they'd never planned to be. The summer that had just passed had been the ultimate test of their friendship and relationship. That day he'd walked into Britt's back yard to find the very intoxicated Santana with her head in one of Matt's general areas that her head should never have been. She could remember finally looking up to see him as he'd grabbed a six pack of wine coolers and stormed out. That had sobered her up alright, thinking she'd lost him had even made her sick. For the tough bitch that didn't normally show emotion it was hard for her. Yet, somehow that night he'd walked into her bedroom with a coy smirk and pinned her to the bed not even caring if Britt was sitting on the bed. They'd done it that night as if he'd had the upper hand on her, something she hadn't for the life of her been able to figure out.

She loved him, she honest to god loved him. Not that she'd tell him that in so many words of course. Never let him have the upper hand, that'd been her way of thinking for all of her life. She could sleep with whoever she wanted and he'd always know that the only one she cuddled with at the end of the day (besides Brittany) was him.

just gonna stand there and watch me burn  
that's alright because i like the way it hurts  
just gonna stand there and hear me cry  
that's alright because i love the way you lie  
i love the way you lie

Somewhere along the way Santana had picked up the concept of their relationship. The open hookups with other people that always ended in them cuddled together in his bed at the end of the day. She'd listened to every single one of the cheerios talk about their experiences sleeping with him, or, in some cases their mothers sleeping with him. It's not like she can say anything against it when she's the same way. The football players have all gotten hot and sweaty for her. Sometimes she regrets it. Regrets the way their relationship has turned out. Then she thinks about it and she knows that if it were any other way then it wouldn't have worked out right, they'd of ended up hating one another.

But as he lays there completely content and silent with his head resting on her bare skin, pressing kisses to her breast bone every once and awhile she knows that this is something she doesn't want to ever change. The feel of his skin against hers, the heat of what they had always had between the sheets, the butterflies that she'd never admit that she got every time he placed a soft kiss anywhere on her, they were all things that she wasn't willing to give up. Even if the questions that were in her mind were confirmed she was pretty sure she needed him to maintain the façade of being tough. She'd need it even more when the title of being head bitch was hers. With what Quinn's announcement had been when she walked into Britt's for their Friday night movie session she knew it was only a matter of time till everyone was asking her what to do next and where they were supposed to be. It was just the second ended fair of that that she didn't want to think about.

The truth of the matter is that she knows Finn's still a virgin. Puck would have been the first one to know if the prissed bitch had given it up to him and then he'd of told her. But Finn hasn't lost his virginity, though she wanted it to be true and for the head cheerleader and quarter back to have hooked up and procreated like one of those retarded cheerleader chick flicks. she knew that it wasn't the case. The part of her mind that didn't protect herself in the world of being head strong and on top knew that the day that she'd gone down on Matt, Puck had had a smirk on his face for other reasons. Instead of thinking about that she just wants to live in the world where he's breathing on her chest and dragging his fingers up and down her bare hips.

so insane, cause when it's goin' good its goin' great  
i'm superman with the wind in his back, she's Lois Lane  
but when its bad its awful, i feel so ashamed i snap  
whose that dude? i don't even know his name

"There's something I have to tell you baby"

She knows it's serious, she only ever calls her baby when it's serious. By this time Santana knows all of his pet names. Babe is for his useless whores, Baby is for her when she's stressed or he's procrastinating, and Tink is when they're in private and she's his. She can tell he's trying to soften the blow as he drags his hand down her side, his finger starts to draw circles on the inside of her thigh. But she knows it, she knows what's coming before the sour words even leave his mouth. Though her eyes are tightly closed trying to block him out, trying to concentrate on what his fingers etching to rather than what he's about to say. Maybe if she allows her mind to protect its self a little bit longer she won't have to face it. she won't have to admit the fact that she's been a fool to think that one day they'd break all of their patters and everything will just be alright. Maybe it's just her silly sixteen year old dream.

"I slept with Quinn… and, well, she's pregnant"

Eyes open once the words are out of his mouth, she didn't think it would sting so badly as it did. She didn't think that him saying the words out loud would be anywhere near as painful as it was. But, it hurt, it hurt more than she wanted to let him see. Instead she scoffed and his fingers moved from her thigh till his hand slid up her pelvis to her abdomen. She needed to concentrate on his hand, thinking about anything other than the words that had slipped from his lips. She couldn't look down at him, she knew that he'd be looking up at her through fake innocent hazel eyes. Eyes that for some reason she couldn't say no to, it made her feel pathetic and cowardly but he was her weakness. He'd always been her weakness.

"Glad it's not me"

Her hand stayed station, tracing the line from his forehead to his neck over and over. It was the only thing keeping her from showing any sort of emotions. She didn't even have to ask any of the questions, like Was Quinn going to get rid of it or could she assist in pushing the bitch down a flight of stairs. Both Quinn and himself wouldn't have gone for any of that. as tempting as it might have been to conveniently drop the whore in cheerios she couldn't do that, of course Fabray always had a step ahead of her in life. Not that anyone other than Santana knew but when they were eleven Quinn Fabray had let one of the eighth grade boys touch her in the movie theater. Something that Santana still at least had the decency not to say anything about. At least she knew what friendships required even if no one else seemed to care.

you ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe  
when you with em you meet and neither one of you even know what hit em  
got that warm fuzzy feeling

"How… why didn't you use something? Don't you have the brain cells to figure out how to put a condom on? I'm the one that taught you how to put a fucking condom on."

She was shaking, she hadn't even noticed when she'd started but suddenly she was shaking at she attempted to stare at the ceiling and trace his hair enough to forget just how bothered by it all she was. She needed to just keep reminding herself that she was lucky it wasn't her. At least she wasn't the one who had to walk around the rest of sophomore year with a watermelon sized reminder of the disappointment she'd become. Instead she'd get head cheerio and she'd been on top of everyone else and that'd always been the place Santana liked it best, on the top. More so than any of that what she really needed to keep reminding herself was that Cheerios was all that mattered. Puck wasn't anything but a fuck buddy. Maybe if she convinced herself of that one it wouldn't feel like her heart was breaking. She was bigger than broken hearts, Santana Lopez didn't fall in love. Falling in love with beneath her and it always would be.

The next thing Santana knew their positions had reversed and she was suddenly lying on his chest. Her hands balled into fists against his chest and it took everything she had not to strike. She wanted so bad to make him feel a little bit of what she felt. a little bit of hat he'd done to her. Her eyes clenched shut against his chest and she worked to turn her feelings into rage harder.

"The one who taught me how to put it on and told me to take it off."

No, she wasn't the one to listen to his smart assed comments when she was pissed. Before she could control herself her hands were striking against him rapidly, as he sat back and took it for a few moments, every blow every fist every slap. Till the moment she ran out of stamina, till the moment she gave up and let him pull her to his chest, wrapping his arms around her tight as he could manage breaking her a little as she buried her head into his chest her breathing still fast and ragged.

"I'm sorry ok? I didn't mean for it to happen baby. This is the last thing I ever wanted to happen. I don't want a kid. I only screwed her because I was pissed at you."

Digging himself another hole he felt her dig the nails she hardly had into his sides as he gripped her tighter not letting her escape from him. she'd of left and not spoken to him till the next time she needed sex, their fights always went like that. But this was different. if he let her go she wouldn't of come back to him, he wasn't stupid. She was every bit smarter than that.

but your temper's just as bad as mine is, you're the same as me  
when it comes to love you're just as blinded  
baby please come back, it wasn't you, baby it was me  
maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems  
maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano  
all i know is i love you too much to walk away though

"Tell me I'm better than she was"

Her insistent voice scared him for a moment and he had no idea what she was talking about. It was only her hand slipping between them that clued him in. They were twisted and partially frayed and broken, their games were screwed up and only for one another to understand but, on some level they fit like puzzle pieces of some screwed up puzzle. Trapping her hands above her head as he suddenly pinned her underneath him he looked with an intense gaze into her eyes. Something that made her feel all to fragile as she attempted to shy away from him without any luck.

"Tell me that you'd rather of been with me that day."

Looking down at her while he dragged his free hand that wasn't supporting his own weight through her hair he trailed his finger from her hair to her face, drawing a light line from her eyes, to her nose, her lips, and down her chest before he pressed a simple and sweet kiss to her lips as if he thought everything would be better.

"You always are, that's why you're the one I'd rather screw on a nightly basis."

He never saw it coming till after she'd kneed him, hard as she could before slipping out of bed with the transformers quilt still wrapped around her for a moment for she'd dropped it and started to get dressed. Had he not been in so much pain he'd of tried to get her to go right back to bed. Instead, he stayed coiled as she replaced her clothes with what had been discarded hours ago to the floor of his bedroom.

"Next time you sleep with someone who's not me… put a fucking condom on."

Looking at him with one final glare she stormed out of the bedroom slamming the door behind her. It was just a good thing his mother and sister were out for a late movie. He could wallow in his own pain and sadness for the rest of the night alone.

just gonna stand there and watch me burn  
that's alright because i like the way it hurts  
just gonna stand there and hear me cry  
that's alright because i love the way you lie  
i love the way you lie


End file.
